by Clay Langhorne
(Victoria BC)
Whether or not they experience a catalyzing loss or disappointment, a person?s suicidal tendencies generally precipitate from a life-long failure to know themselves, not a failure to love themselves as many believe.. Many ?suicides? become so proficient at hiding their ?self? in order to be liked, that they forget what they hid or where they hid it. Consequently these statements about suicides fall into context:
"He really tried to appear light and carefree all the time . . . but there was always something he was holding back."
"He only showed the mask we all wear in our everyday lives to cope, and to make sure others see the appropriately well-adjusted exterior.?
?He was the guy who really took care of everyone and went out of his way to make people feel good. He did all that for other people, but in the end, he couldn't do it for himself."
"An all-round giver who failed in the ultimate human quest to love himself.?
So as not to be too judgemental, it bears keeping in mind that the gravity of a lie or habitual lie, is defined by its intention. A lie to steal money; a lie to defame; a lie to feel big; a lie to be liked; a denial ? all have their own specific gravity. But for some reason our culture considers a lie to oneself to be unprovable, and its regarded as an opinion. A pattern of lying that kills the self ? that, for some reason is considered to be victimless.
In the extreme, persons with suicidal tendencies lie life-long, to be popular ? think movie-star. At the root of their outlook are two fundamental denials: (1) ?I didn?t intend to misrepresent myself; to lie or hurt anyone.? This purposely focuses on ?why I did? rather than ?why I do,? denying the fact that ?practice makes perfect? ? a life-long habit becomes autonomous, making current-day intent irrelevant. (2) As opposed
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