Senior dating sites? Not so sure what to make of this, but I sure am curious.
Can technology help us find some folks to connect with to alleviate the loneliness? Can technology protect us from our naivete?
How did we date before the internet, anyway, churches, friends, volunteering?
And now there are research tools like the fMRI, or functional magnetic imaging machine, which can peer into brains and watch them work in real time, which is what Helen Fisher,Ph.D. has done with brains in love.
By the way, Professor Fisher is our age. Here is a quick interview with Dr. Fisher discussing senior dating sites.
Her model is a brain and chemistry based model. Other dating sites are based on our answers to questionaires, which seems a little like filling out a job application, but I could go through that for the experience of love I suppose.
How did we do this when we were kids though? I remember Kathy and Gwen and how I felt when I was 13 and falling in love, and how scary it was to act on that impulse, and how disappointing it was when not reciprocated.
Can a computer or questionaire replace all that passion?
Maybe we should just access the data base and open lines of communication with many Senior friends, rather than fall in love.
Here is Dr. Fisher,
"People of any age can feel intense romantic love. In my questionnaire study of the romantic element in some 800 Americans and Japanese, men and women, I found that those participants who were over age 45 expressed just as much romantic passion as did those who were under age 25. You can fall in love at any age, even in your 90s.
So senior dating is often a good deal like junior dating—full of excitement, angst, euphoria when it goes well, and despair when things fail. Perhaps the most interesting thing about senior dating is that now, people are living long enough to do it. Additionally, they aren’t living with their children and grandchildren, so they have the opportunity to do it.
How has the dating scene changed in the past 50 years?
The world of dating and marriage has changed more in the past 50 years than in the past 5,000, due largely to the entry of women into the paid labor force.
Women are expressing more of their natural sexuality, experimenting with sex and love before marriage, living with a potential life partner, marrying later, and divorcing and remarrying.
In these respects, we are returning to a social life style that is very similar to life as it was in hunting and gathering societies, before people settled down on the farm and sex and marriage codes became much more rigid. Senior Dating Advice
What advice do you have for seniors who want to start dating again after losing a long-term partner or spouse?
Your next true love will never find you if you stay at home or do the same old things. Try new things, go new places, meet new people, get some exercise, and don’t discount potential partners until you have gotten to know them.
And when you do meet someone new, don’t spend all your time with your "date" talking about your former spouse. That can be a real turn-off. Dr. Fisher recommends online dating and searching the personal section of periodicals you admire as ways to meet new people.
What misconceptions would you like to dispel about dating?
It's hard to know how to handle dating these days, because the rules are changing so fast that none of us know exactly what is the right way to handle various situations.
So I guess it would be good to realize that we are all in the same boat. Some people are under the misconception that we know what we are doing.
I think there is also a misconception that older people are not interested in sex. Some 16 percent of people over 65 have sex regularly. Many more would if they had the right partner.
Are there any senior dating traditions that have changed over the years, things that may have been the status quo in a senior's younger days, but are different now?
As I mentioned above, so many of the rules have changed that we need to improvise as we go along. I would say that people of every age are living in a world of "it depends."
Do seniors need to be more open about sexual expectations than they may have been before?
I don’t see seniors as very different from the rest of us. I think at any age it is wise, and often difficult, to be open about sexual expectations.
Are seniors having luck with online dating?
I helped to design the new dating/relationship site, Chemistry.com and we do have older people on the site. But, alas, most online dating sites attract a younger membership.
Do you have any additional senior dating suggestions?
Seniors might try the "personals" in newspapers that they admire, such as the New York Review of Books, and the Observer (in New York), or other periodicals that attract the kind of people they want to meet."
~Tracey L. Kelley
Here is a link to Chemistry.com, which I invite you to explore. You will find a great deal of information about Dr. Fisher's work, and how that is incorporated into chemistry.com.
Very early in my personal growth experience, a wise person taught me to use the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was resentful or afraid and that phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.
Would you share your favorite gratitude story by clicking here? Your story may be just what another person needs to renew themselves.
Your story becomes part of this website (which shows the site's most recent pages) and a permanent part of Ask Mike the Counselor2 for others to read!
And I'll tweet your Web page at my Twitter account, too!