Relationships attraction is an interesting concept.
I am thinking back to when I began to notice the differences between men and women, and in looking back, that experience was totally hormonal.
I was not thinking about relationship, or building some kind of emotional connection, or a friendship, but I was moving purposefully toward connection of the biological kind.
And then I think back to how I felt when I met my wife, which was several years later, actually at a drumming circle, when we were doing a little altered states work by many drum beats, and what I remember is how she looked at me, and how I felt when I saw her expression.
What I knew was known in a moment based on her expression, particularly her eyes.
I am constantly amazed at the role that non-verbal communication plays in our human interactions, so I have been drawn to the work of Paul Ekman,Ph.D. who has worked for a long time to bring some organization to our understanding of facial expressions, and how we respond to the non-verbal communication of others, and I believe that relationships attraction begins in that split second of non-verbal communication and interpretation of attraction or not attraction.
Only after that message is sent and received is there any use of socially mediated strategies.
In my work with domestic violence perpatrators, I often have them break down the thoughts and feelings they had just prior to the action that got them to my counseling program, which might be a time period all of 1/18th second long, and often the behavior is subsequent to their response to a non-verbal communication from their spouse.
So internal hormonal changes which impel the body into relationships attraction of relationship dissolution can occur in a less time than it takes me to blink my eyes.
Helen Fisher,Ph.D., has written of relationships attraction templates I guess we would call them.
She says that we can size up another in terms of attraction in less than one second, and if our potential mate passes that test, we move on to tone of voice, timber of voice, vocabulary, dress, and a decision about those and other factors can occur in as little as three minutes for the female of the species.
The guy brain is a little different. Broadly speaking, a male brain moves into the mating dance when it perceives any attractive potential mate.
Fisher's research says that we humans fall into four personality types, each of which is governed by a different hormone, and that some types do better together.
Her idea to make the relationships attraction process more efficient is to get us to her personality quiz at Chemistry.com, where we can find out our type, and if we want to meet some compatible types to try for relationships attraction with, we need to join her Chemistry .com site.
Their is a reason why chocolate has been part of the relationships attraction process for so long.
Very early in my personal growth experience, a wise person taught me to use the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was resentful or afraid and that phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.
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