Relationship emotions change lives. Ever been in love? When you decide that you are in love, even after dating for a long time, the course of your life changes.
Then maybe you saw your beloved kiss somebody else, and the hurt and anger was intense, and you picked up a weapon, and if you used it, the course of your life changed.
Or maybe we are talking about renewing a college friendship that had not been attended to for 40 years, that involves relationship emotions too.
In the first case, we are talking about the power and magic of love, and all of us have been in love before.
We are making some sense of that relationship emotion now, given the research of Helen Fisher,Ph.D. who has looked at brains in and out of love using fMRI brain scanning technology.
Dr. Fisher is putting together a model of love as it moves through its stages, a brain based model, which gives it some predictability.
In other words, I can say about my brain that it is at stage 1, or stage 2, breathe a sigh of relief, and return to my poetry, sunsets, or beloved.
I do not have to wonder if perhaps my intense relationship emotion is an illness, I can enjoy it, and let it lead me to appropriate actions which involve my beloved's agreement.
If you are not currently in a relationship with any relationship emotion but want to try one, you should check out Dr. Fisher's personality test.
So lets assume you have made it through the vagaries of the first two years of relationship emotion that Dr. Fisher talks about and now you move into a mature relationship where you have to make some choices about how you feel, and somedays, choosing to emphasize the positive relationship emotions in your head and your heart feels like a workout.
Why would you undertake that workout? John and Julie Schwartz Gottman of the Gottman Institute report that nurturing positive emotions is one of the two hallmarks of couples who are what the call the Masters of Marriage. The other is that those couples use repair phrases after an an exhibition of an unpleasant relationship emotion like anger.
Below is a quick video of what Dr. Gottman means when he speaks to nurturing positive emotions.
So you are to the stage of practicing gratitude, and are wondering what science has discovered about that practice?
Well, quite a bit actually, and it turns out that we can actually change our brains in a very healthy direction by practicing meditation.
That particular discovery is reported by Sharon Begley in her book, Train Your Brain, Change Your Mind, where she talks about the fMRI work done by Richard Davidson,Ph.D. who studied the brains of Buddhist monks.
However, you may not want to spend 10,000 hours meditating just to have more compassion, you may want a more Western, technological tool to help you choose positive emotions.
Then try HeartMath, which is an easy to use, quick to learn tool that allows you to train the affiliative and cooperative brain in your heart to cue positive emotions on any given heart beat.
And you can sustain that feeling and the very helpful internal chemistry that comes with it for long periods of time.
On demand relationship emotions. There is a link to the Heartmath suite of tools in the right column.Mind Sparke Brain Fitness Pro - Software that makes you smarter
When I was beginning my personal growth journey, a wise person told me that when I was feeling resentful or afraid or sad, that I should remember the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was ready to feel better. That phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.
Would you share what you are most grateful for? Your story could be just what another person is searching for to renew themselves? Thanks.
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