When you are in love, nurturing positive emotions is easy.
But as John Gottman,Ph.D. says, that changes when the kids come along, and the last thing we make time for is ourselves, and attending to our connection.
Wouldn't it be nice if we had the ability to cue a heart beat for our relationship, based on the individual heart beats of the couple? So we could do conflict resolution, or vacations, or parenting, or even sex from a place of cooperation and affiliation.
Well, that second part can be done using a tool called HeartMath, which is a computerized brain fitness program that I run on my PC, or lap top, or I can even use the hand held version called the emWave and teach myself how to control the time between my heart beats, because my brain has a very sophisticated nervous system which can learn and make decisions independently of any other brain I have.
Without getting to technical here, it takes about 3 to 6 hours of practice, at your pace and schedule to learn how to cue the physiology without the computer, and it feels good.
Then if both of us know how to do this, we can literally hold hands and cue a coherent heart beat for the relationship, which feels good and allows us to discuss premarriage counseling issues in a way which sustains and deepens our love rather than deepens our divide.
It all sounds so easy doesn't it? Just remember that you can practice your HeartMath anytime, even every five minutes for 2 heartbeats if you want, because it feels good, and you want to be in the habit of cuing positive emotions when you and your partner are discussing some of what Gottman calls the 69% of issues in a marriage that cannot be resolved.
Do not despair. All that means is that discussions must be very frequent about those issues, and agreements worked out for the day.
Learning to nurture positive emotions would certainly be a good reason to enter into premarriage counseling.
Another Benefit? Increase to Neuroplasticity
Any novel learning experience, like learning HeartMath, and moving through the different levels of challenge, and practicing regularly, makes my brain more plastic.
My neurons are constantly seeking novel learning experiences, in order to keep the 10,000 or so new neurons that are born every day cemented into already existing circuits.
The more neurons I have connected, the more brain power I can bring to problem premarriage counseling.
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