Pre Marriage Counseling Questions

So you have met a really neat person, and the words pre marriage counseling questions are coming in to your head?

Well, maybe you don't have those words, but you are getting along fabulously and the word marriage is entering your thoughts, and the less infatuated part of you says that you need to approach this relationship, if it is to go deeper, with a bit of common sense.

So you start to read about John Gottman's Love Lab at the University of Washington, to get a sense of what he and his team have discovered about relationships, to see if there is a model out there that you can use to organize your search for measuring compatibility with this person who you care so much for.

And you come across this video by John Gottman and he says that successful marriages are the ones that nurture positive emotions, with repair phrases after a breakdown, for example.

Nourishing Positive Emotions

It sounds so simple doesn't it, nourish positive emotions. Especially if you are in the earliest stage of relationship, everything is positive.

But like Gottman says, it is different once the kids are there, so maybe now is the time to explore some of those pre marriage counseling questions.

But before you take a look at the questions a little further down the page, please take a look at this video about HeartMath, which is an extraordinary tool for nurturing positive emotions for all the participants in the relationship.

Just imagine if you and your partner were able to get on the same heart beat as you discussed issues like finances, sex, ambition, parenting, and holiday celebrations?

Being on the same heart beat is not a metaphor. It is very doable physiologically. What that means is that the individuals learn to create coherent heart beats, with the time between heart beats very consistent, (feels great), and then create a coherent heart beat for the relationship.

When partners create inner coherence, then the relationship can also have a coherent heart intelligence involved in it, as HeartMath not only makes the body relaxed, it opens the higher perceptual centers in the brain for problem solving.

The neat thing about HeartMath is that it is learned, using a biofeedback program, and once it is learned I can cue the physiology on demand.

Sounds to remarkable to be true? Just remind yourself that almost all of what you know about anger is learned also, and you can cue that without a problem, right?

(To play, click the triangle).

Inner Balance by HeartMath

"Laughter is the closest distance between 2 people"

1.What was the first thing that attracted you about me?

2.Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a successful relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship ?

3.When you look at a woman, what is the first thing you notice?

4.Do you think it's ok to keep noticing another woman after you are in a committed relationship? Does this change when you are married?

5.What is the first thing that you notice when you look at a man?

6.If I don't say so, how do you know that I want to make love?

7.Describe the way I smell.

8.Tell me how you describe me to other people?

9.How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?

10.Do you masturbate?

11.How do you feel if I come into the bathroom when you are using the facilities?

12.When was the last time you took a shower together?

Do you want to live happily ever after?

13.If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?

14.If your friend was cheating on their spouse, would you tell your spouse about it?

15.What were you thinking about right before you kissed me for the first time?

16.After I had asked you out for the first time, did you consider saying no?

17.Was there anything that you were worried about the first time we were about to become naked?

18.How old were you when you had your first kiss?

19.How old were you the first time you had sex?

20.How old were you the first time you thought you were in love?

21.Who helped you figure out how to ask someone out on your first date?

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Pre Marriage Counseling Questions

"Laughter is the closest distance between 2 people"

22.Did you parents tell you about sex, or did you already know?

23.Describe your parents marriage. What was the best part and the worst part in your opinion?

24.Who was the first person who died in your life and how did you feel?

25.What animals do you like and not like?

26.Describe your perfect dream date.

27.Describe your perfect wedding.

28.Do you have sexual dreams? Tell me about some of them.

29.What is the most important thing that money can do for you?

30.Who had control of the money when you were growing up?

31.How did you learn what it meant to be a man/woman?

32.Do you believe in God?

33.If money were no object, what is the one thing that would be most important to you to do?

34.If you had one day to live, what would you do?

Some suggestions here if you are looking for a week-end getaway or a romantic picnic

35.If you won the lottery, what would you like to accomplish?

36.If you gave money to charity, which ones would you choose and why?

37.Have you ever been cruel to an animal?

38.When you were a child, did you ever experiment sexually with another child?

39.Were you ever sexually, emotionally, or verbally abused?

40.Can you tell me what makes up your belief systems?

41.Who is the person you admire most and why?

Do you want to live happily ever after?

42.What is the one thing that would be a relationship breaker for you?

43.How important do you think monogamy is to a relationship?

44.Who do you believe is the dominant one in a relationship and why?

45.How do you feel about having children?

46.Describe your philosophy on personal debt.

47.What is the one thing that I do that makes you crazy?

48.If you were really in trouble, who would you go to for advice?

49.Who do you feel responsible for in your life?

50.What are you beliefs about abortion?

51.How important do you believe organized religion is in a couples relationship?

52.Tell me when you first knew you loved me?

53.How do you handle anger? Has it ever caused a problem in your life?

HeartMath for Pre Marriage Counseling Questions

Can you imagine doing the questions above or conflict or hurt feelings after getting on the same heart beat, using the HeartMath tool?

Instead of anxiety and trepidation, the process above could help couples develop a heart connection based on affiliation and cooperation rather than win/lose.

Gottman says that 69% of the issues a couple will face are not resolvable, and frequent discussion will be required to keep the relationship, pre or post marriage, working effectively. Imagine doing that from a place of affiliation?

Has science given us any tools to help in the compatibility equation?

Helen Fisher,Ph.D., has done some fascinating work on "in-love"brains using fMRI or functional magnetic resonance imaging which she has built into her website.

She says it is possible for us to eliminate some of the uncertainty in the dating game by using her tools.

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