Loss of What Might Have Been

Miscarriage Grief

Back to Life! A Personal Grief Workbook.

Our family experienced miscarriage grief in 2003. Julie was pregnant with our second child, and early in the pregnancy, she experienced some spotting, of dried blood, and knew that something was wrong.

So of course she rushed off to the doctor's office, where she was told that everything was OK, but she knew better, and began to talk fearfully about the pregnancy.

One of the things I have learned over the years of my life is to listen to my wife when she talks about her body.

And soon her worst fears were realized, and she miscarried.

Her grieving for this important part of her body, and for her dreams for this life surprised me a bit by their intensity.

She wanted me to be close while she wept, and processed her anger about what seemed to be callous treatment by her medical professionals, who wanted the tissue for testing, apparently to determine if the tissue was fetal in nature, which they matter-of-factly confirmed at a later date.

I am a bit repulsed by that request, even now, five years later, and after the successful birth of my lovely Hannah Marie.

Julie went through all the stages of grief, and talked to me frequently about it as it progressed. While her grief was not as intense as for her brother's death, it was grief nevertheless.

I spoke to her this morning about writing for this page, and she said that she would need some time to do that, because of the intensity.

Back to Life! A Personal Life Grief Book

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