Marriage Sex Counseling





It looks like marriage sex counseling can be approached from a variety of directions by professionals in the field.

If you are looking for a professional to help with strictly sexual issues, then a sexologist may be your best bet.

If sexual issues in a relationship are wrapped up in other issues, then perhaps working with a marriage counselor or therapist is appropriate.

In my work with domestic violence perpatrators, I often see a juvenile approach to sex, and as we talk about that, usually what is revealed is some disappointment or hurt and the defense utilized by the men I see is to guard against intimacy for fear of another hurt.

It appears that the guys I work with have had little in the way of training in regards to their own emotional intelligence, for example, don't know how to feel a hurt or disappointment, express it verbally, and move on from it.

Truth be told, I am also beginning to see that with the women I work with also, more of the "he made my mad, so I hit him" kind of conflict resolution style.

So I use a model that I like to demonstrate that it is possible to manage one's physiology heart beat by heart beat, grow one's brain through brain fitness exercises, and build a relationship thought by thought.

The model for marriage building that I use is the John and Julie Schwartze Gottman home workshop called The Art and Science of Love.

This is my starting point, and I use this to simply demonstrate that relationships can be learned, that just like any other skill, it takes some attention, first inside ones own head and body.

With increased relationship skills, then sexual intimacy may become easier, and at that point, the particular skills of a sexologist or sex therapist may be an excellent choice to expand choices for the couple.

If there are particular issues around sexual dysfunction, a sex therapist will be able to provide knowledge, options, and training. Just revealing "the secret" can be tremendously freeing.

Just like any other professional, a marriage sex therapist will take a history, this one including your sexual history, including how you developed your values and sexual behaviors. What will happen in your sessions? The first few sessions are spent getting to know you and understanding your problem. You will explore your psycho-social background and your family dynamics. Special emphasis will be placed on your sexual history, including how you learned about sexuality, and how you developed your sexual values and your sexual behaviors to date. The trained therapist, with your input, will develop an appropriate diagnosis and treatment plan.

Subsequent to the history a treatment plan will be developed and implemented.
Homework may involve exercises given for a couple to do together or they can be more self-reflective, done alone. For example, couples my be asked to spend time at home just touching as much as they can—hold hands, gives massages, sit with your feet in each other’s lap—but no genital or breast contact. Or, if a woman is experiencing low sexual desire, she might asked to do a sex desire timeline of her life. This is a simple but enlightening exercise.

Is Your Brain the Most Important Organ In Sex?

It is folks, and the brain can be worked out for enhanced performance in many life areas, marriage and sex included.

Not too many years ago, no one knew that the brain could be worked out to increase neurogenesis or the growth of new brain cells because no one knew about neurogenesis, and no one was aware of the incredible plasticity of the human brain. Our brain is constantly seeking data, and when it learns something it rewires itself, sometimes within minutes, according to Simon Evans, Ph.D. and Paul Burhardt,Ph.D., authors of Brainfit for Life. Evans and Burghardt have culled the neuroscientific data for the top brain fitness tips we can implement, grouping those tips into several areas they call the pillars of brain fitness, which are physical exercise, nutrition, including dark chocolate and omega 3 fatty acid, sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences.

(A square or two of dark chocolate provides our brain with some molecules which help the brain go into a "something fun is about to happen chemistry").

You will have to check out the book for the complete brain fitness workout, but I am going to supply some links to some computerized novel learning experiences which can be part of your neurogenesis and neuroplasticity workout.

Usually the kind of learning we are talking about which is good for those recently discovered capacities is learning a new language or musical instrument.

If you do not have time for a new language, then try these tools, all of which have some excellent research to back them up.

Would You Share Something That You Are Grateful For?

When I was beginning my personal growth journey, a wise person told me that when I was feeling resentful or afraid or sad, that I should remember the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was ready to feel better. That phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.

Would you share what you are most grateful for? Your story could be just what another person is searching for to renew themselves? Thanks.


Have a question and want to talk with a therapist? Call 815-316-2621 for Julie Logan, LCSW, RN. 7121 Windsor Lake Parkway, Loves Park, Illinois 61111 jlogan7264@myway.com

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