Marriage counseling alternatives, marriage coaching, divorce coaching, relationship coaching,? The information age has come to the marriage counseling arena.
Used to be that you went to your marriage counselor's office with your spouse and hammered out the best possible arrangement for your relationship, but no more.
Now your marriage counselor or expert comes to you through your computer.
I have used the John and Julie Schwartz Gottman model called The Art and Science of Love in my domestic violence perpatrator groups, because it is straight forward about the skills and time required to build a relationship like the Masters of Marriage have. By the way, the masters of marriage do not have marriages like Prince Charming and Cinderella.
The Gottman marriage counseling alternative uses videos and written and discussion exercises to help couples develop a greater closeness, and offer each other choice. (Offering choice is the opposite of power and control).
Most of my clients have enjoyed doing the exercises together, and Gottman says that the masters of marraige are the couples who repair their arguments quickly and cultivate positive feelings.
The one thing that the Gottmans do not talk much about is how often I need to cultivate positive feelings. My attention and feelings that flow out of the thoughts I have about what I am paying attention to can change very frequently, so if I am to cultivate positive feelings, I will need to change my thoughts to change my feelings many times a day.
Paul Ekman,Ph.D., says we can respond subconsciously to a facial expression in 1/25th second. By comparison, it takes me 1/10th of a second to blink my eyes.
So in an intimate relationship, when my beloved expresses contempt for my restaurant suggestion, I had better have my marriage counseling alternatives in place right away for the best chance of offering an alternative rather than doing something or saying something which hurts the relationship.
A wonderful tool for nurturing positive feelings is HeartMath and the Freeze Frame tool. HeartMath is based on the science in the new field of neurocardiology. As I learn HeartMath, I can truely change my attention to my heart, my partner's heart, and even the heart beat of our relationship, so I can change my physiology heart beat by heart beat.
Did you know that your heart has a brain of its own, which can learn and make decisions independently of any other brain you have, and that brain will learn to respond to a cue and a breathing pattern with a very coherent heart beat, which makes every cell in the body beat at that beat.
The feeling from HeartMath? Relaxation and contentment are the two words I hear most often as my clients learn the HeartMath process.
So be sure to know how to do HeartMath with your marriage counseling alternative. Please see the Heartmath link in the right column.
Want to look at an interesting way to begin a relationship, so maybe you avoid the need for marriage counseling? Take a look at Helen Fisher's model, based on her research on 'in-love' brains with fMRI. She has put together a chemistry based model which promises to make the entire love experience more predictable. Dr. Fisher is the chief scientific officer at Chemistry.com. You might want to take the free personality test.
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