How to find true love has gotten scientific. Used to be that we had to wait for Cupid to ambush us with his arrow, or the Fairy Godmother to wave her magic wand, or you did your best Hugh Hefner impression.
Or you went to the hot nightspot in your town, and waited for someone to approach you, or you were filled with androgens, meaning you were male, and you approached lots of eligible folks, in hopes of experiencing some 'chemistry.'
But that was before functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) and the work of folks like Helen Fisher,Ph.D., who has been studying the phenomenon of romantic love, and relationship for three decades.
Fisher has put the brains of a number of just in love, just out of love, and long time in love folks through the unflinching eye of the fMRI and has described what it is that our brains are doing when in one of those love states.
Professor Fisher's theory, based on her analysis of her data, is that we human's fall into four basic personality types, each of which is ruled by a particular hormone or neurotransmitter, and that some types are more compatible with others.
So what you should do in your quest to find true love is take her personality test, find out what type you are, and what the other types are, and then get out there and narrow your choices to compatible types.
The idea is that you will be able to more easily strike up chemistry with a compatible type.
And if you want to meet folks who are your type, then you have to join up at chemistry.com, which you will do on your computer.
I had a client in my counseling practice a couple of years ago who was going through a divorce and utilized several online dating services to meet eligible new partners, and he spoke about his experiences of meeting eligible mates online.
He met a number of women that he met e-mailed, called, and dated, and actually meet his second wife there, and an ever increasing number of marriages are happening after couples meet online.
John was in Illinois, and his new partner was in Kansas when they first met.
How to find true love online sure has changed the mating dance hasn't it?
I am surprised that there are still singles bars out there.
One of the things that Professor Fisher discovered in her analysis is that there are many couples that report still feeling romantic love after years of being married.
Those folks report that if they had it to do over, they would still marry the same person.
Their fMRI pictures indicate the same brain activity as couples just in love, except for the anxiety activity.
In other words, their true love is a calm true love, and if you look at what marriage or intimacy experts like John Gottman,Ph.D. or Robert Epstein,Ph.D. report in their work, how to find true love has become how to keep true love, which takes regular effort.
Keeping true love is like a workout then. In fact, working out together according to Scott and Angie Tousignant is a great way for couples to build a healthier chemistry.
According to Professor Fisher, folks who exercise are building androgen, which is associated with one of three brain systems that get turned on in romantic love, the 'lust' part of the early in love stage, so I think Scott and Angie are on to something.
Subsequent to a physical workout, we humans also have some endorphins which are calming neurotransmitters, and I am sure that Professor Fisher would agree that endorphins are ok. We have some after another kind of workout also.
The hardest part of how to find true love today might just be deciding which online service to use.
Which ever one you chose, don't forget the dark chocolate, which does contain a molecule that prepares the brain for something exciting to happen.
Very early in my personal growth experience, a wise person taught me to use the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was resentful or afraid and that phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.
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