Divorce after 30 years? I was with my ex-for 15 years, and our divorce was hard.
It is mind blowing even after five years apart, to think about leaving a partner of 30 years, and all the unraveling that would have to happen, the financial, the emotional, the children, the retirement, the pension, the life insurance, the investments, the friendships, the homes, all the new expenses ex-partners would have as they set up new lives.
Are you going to date again? It is mind boggling, but apparently more and more seniors are joining the ranks of grey divorcees.
Absolutely. Couples divorcing later in life have little time to recover for retirement. While we may not be as susceptible to the melodrama of younger divorcees, we face a complicated untangling of property and finances, and that does not include the grieving or the emotional side of the ending of a marriage.
How will you as a divorced couple handle insurance, or college tuition, if that is an issue?
How will you handle pensions or social security? The life insurance? Will one party stay in the homestead, and if so, how will the payments be handled?
If there are adult children, with families of their own, how will holiday schedules get handled?
Are grey divorcees prepared for senior years alone?
Have you talked about Social Security and Medicare?
Younger divorcees have to deal with custody and visitation and child support. Those may not be issues for Seniors divorcing after 30 years.
Has one spouse done the majority of money management? Will the other spouse be able to catch on to money management quickly?
Are you both nearing retirement? If one spouse has been the bread winner, and the other was just going to share in Social Security, there may be an unpleasant surprise for that second person, when they get a sense of what Social Security might provide for them. How will these two Seniors support themselves?
Is the house going to get sold? Where will you live? Rent? Buy? Kids?
Are you prepared for a car payment of your own, and utilities deposits?
What about insurance coverage? Dividing pensions?
How will friendships and holiday schedules be impacted, since mom and dad are now living separately?
I know many couples whose relationships with close friends change, usually for a more distant version. Old friends of the couple are hesitant to appear to pick sides, or are uncomfortable with the grieving that they see, and are not as involved.
Who will be your care giver as you age? How will you pay for that?
Finally, do you anticipate dating again, but you have never filled out an online profile? Dating and computers are in interesting pairing, but I think an inevitable part of our mating dance now.
How will you handle late life sex? The viagara thing?
Can intimacy be fun and playful and sensual and sexual with grey hair?
You bet they can.!
Those are some of the things that need to be considered in divorce after 30 years that someone divorcing at 30 might not have to consider. If you think of something I have forgotten, please add it in a comment below.
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