Creating Intimacy

Creating intimacy? Doesn't that just happen? Dont't you need a magic wand or potion? (If you are a guy, probably seems like it just happens, but that is because or your brain. If you are a gal, there are some nice things that you like to have happen for your brain to create oxcytocin, which is a very important intimacy hormone).

But back to our question about creating intimacy.

Robert Epstein,Ph.D., has written some very interesting articles over the years about creating intimacy.

In fact, he advocates that we do what I liken to intimacy workouts, we take time to do some things like soul gazing, for example, but not soul staring, which humans generally perceive as threatening.

Epstein has students do that in his classes on their first day, and after just two minutes of soul gazing, strangers report a sense of closeness for their partner which is noticebly stronger.

Other Creating Intimacy Exercises

The following creating intimacy exercises are from Robert Epstein, Ph.D., recent article in the Jan/Feb. 2010 Scientific American Mind.

They are easy to do, and couples can do them anytime, I would think.

1. Two as One-Embrace each other, sense your partners breathing , and synchronize breathing with your partner.

2. Soul Gazing-Look into each others eyes as deeply as you can for two minutes.

3. Monkey Love-Facing your partner, one of you begin to slowly move arms and legs and the other mimic, dancing in unison.

4. Falling in Love-Take turns falling into each others arms, safely of course. Repeat several times and talk about your feelings.

5. Secret Swap-Write down a deep secret and have your partner do the same. Then trade papers and talk about what you read. Continue until you run out of secrets.

6. Mind Reading Game-Write down a thought you want to convey to your partner. Then spend a few minutes sending it telepathically. Your partner will try to guess what it is. Switch roles.

7. Let Me Inside-Stand about four feet apart and focus on each other. Every 10 seconds or so move a bit closer together until you are well inside your partners personal space. Get as close as you can without kissing.

8. Love aura-Place the palm of your hand as close as possible to your partners palm without actually touching. So this for several minutes, during which you will feel heat, and perhaps see some eerie kinds of sparks.

Sparking Up Some Chemistry

Helen Fisher,Ph.D. is another resource for those of us looking to create intimacy. She has researched a phenomenon most of us have experienced which she calls romantic love.

(Remember your first love? That's it).

Professor Fisher's 30 years of research into love and the neurobiology of love has indicated to her that we humans fall into four personality types, each of which is linked to a particular neurochemical or hormone, and that some types are more compatible with other types, and we should look to create intimacy with a compatible type.

She has created a personality quiz which will help you determine your type, which you can take for free at

And if you want to join, you will be provided introductions to other compatible types, and you can try the Epstein exercises to spark intimacy.

And dark chocolate does contain a molecule that prepares your brain for something exciting to happen.

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