Codependency tests are difficult to quantify, since codependency is not defined as an illness.
All of us in this culture, according to some authorities are codependent to one degree or another because the culture itself is addictive.
But the following quizzes might give you a feel for the nature of codependency.
I am not sure I would make a self diagnosis and then commit time and funds to a self diagnosis based on the quizzes included here without consulting a professional.
However, the first resource below is an excellent source of information about codependency. Their tests should ring true.
Do you do 3 or more of the following?
Think more about another person's behavior and problems than about your own life.
Feel anxious about the addicted or troubled person's behavior and constantly check on that person to try to catch him or her in a bad behavior.
Worry that if you stop trying to control the other person, he or she will fall apart.
Blame yourself for this person's problems.
Cover up or "rescue" this person when he or she is caught in a lie or other embarrassing situation related to his or her addiction or other problem.
Deny that this person has a "real" problem with drugs, alcohol, etc., and become angry and/or defensive when others suggest there is an addiction or other substance abuse problem.
Note: You may not be truly codependent, but you should become aware of how your behavior may be enabling an addicted or troubled individual.
Codependency Test: Take this test to find out if you're helping people who need or needing people to help:
1. Do you feel demeaned, hurt or offended when someone you love tells you they don't need your help?
2. In the last year, has anyone resorted to arguing, begging or raising their voice to get you to stop trying to help them?
3. If you had plenty of money and your child, sibling or parent had an addiction to drinking, spending, gambling or drugs, and they asked you for money to help with their necessary expenses (food, rent, clothes, bills), would you give them the money?
4. When someone shares a life or relationship problem with you, but doesn't ask for help, do you offer help or advice, anyway?
5. When you survey your relationships, do you find yourself surrounded by mostly people who need you?
6. Do you ever find yourself making excuses for the needy people in your life?
7. If someone you love has a substance abuse, emotional, spending or gambling problem, do you avoid confronting them?
8. Do you measure your self-esteem by how much someone depends on you?
9. Do you ever remind people where they would be without you?
A. If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, read the rest of this article and monitor yourself for the next 3 months to verify your answers.
B. If you answered 'yes' to 3 or more of the above, you may have a codependency problem. Read the rest of this article, get a trusted friend who is independent of you to keep you accountable, and read a couple books on the subject of codependence.
C. If you answered 'yes' to 5 or more of the above, do 'A' & 'B' above and ask your friend to attend an alanon, narconon or codependents anonymous meeting with you.
Answer these questions Yes or No as honestly and truthfully as possible.
1 Do you feel responsible for another persons actions?
2 Do you feel anxious when good things don't occur for another person?
3 Do you loose sleep worrying about another person?
4 Do you loose sleep worrying why things aren't going your way?
5 Do you feel compelled or obligated to help another?
6 Do you get a feeling of greater self worth by helping another?
7 Do you suppress your thoughts or feelings only later to "explode" in anger?
8 Do you feel rejected or angry when another person does not want your help?
9 Do you over commit yourself to another, groups or committees?
10 Do you go to work early and stay late, because the boss "needs you"?
11 Do you work long hours at your job, but do not charge your employer or client for the work you performed?
12 Do you obsessively clean the house, do laundry, cook to please another?
13 Do you worry more about the kids' or spouse's activities than yourself?
14 Take on an extended family, e.g. other people's kids?
15 Do you wonder why you sometimes feel "crazy"?
16 Do you sometimes wonder why you can't get anything done?
17 Do you sometimes wonder why you never have energy?
18 Do you abandon your routine because you are upset about someone or something they may have done?
19 Do you feel you must always be in control about your feelings?
20 Do you blame others for your anger and lack of control?
21 Do you get confused, depressed, lethargic or sick?
22 Do you go to doctors to get tranquilizers?
23 Are you experiencing long term physical symptoms of stress, e.g. premature hair graying or rapid hair loss, varicose veins, ulcers, menstrual irregularities, etc.?
24 Do you sometimes feel mental or physical abuse by another is your fault?
25 Do you find yourself repeating one bad relationship after another?
26 Do you find that you cannot tolerate certain behavior in other people?
27 Do you have difficulty with or abstain from sex with your partner?
28 Do you find yourself unnecessarily spying on your partner or children?
29 Do you find yourself unnecessarily stealing from your partner or children, e.g. check books, bank accounts, mail?
30 Does your spouse, children, parent, or significant other have a drug, alcohol, gambling, eating, or sex problem/addiction?
31 Do you find yourself "enabling" another person in their addiction?
32 Do you find yourself "sabotaging" another person's attempts at recovery?
33 Do you feel ashamed about your family or personal relationships?
34 Do you sometimes deny or hide the fact that your family may have been troubled, repressive or dysfunctional?
35 Have you experienced eating disorders (overeating, anorexia)?
36 Do you sometimes feel like "killing" or wishing that other person dead?
37 Do you sometimes feel like "killing" that other person and yourself?
38 Do you have thoughts of suicide?
Answering yes to Three or more of these questions may be an indication that you have a problem with Codependency. You may want to seek professional evaluation or discuss your situation with an organization such as Codependents Anonymous.
A codependency test can be very helpful when considering whether or not you are codependent. Consider these questions and honestly answer them:
* Is it difficult for you to see situations or individuals realistically?
* Do you think you are somehow responsible for the thoughts or actions of others?
* Do you often feel angry or hurt?
* Do other people control you?
* Do you feel lonely often?
* Do you have an overwhelming urge for others to like you?
* Do you give up your interests in order to take part in activities that your friends enjoy?
* Do you feel more secure when you receive praise from others?
* Do you need to feel needed?
* Do you have a difficult time saying no when asked to do something?
I have been using a tool called HeartMath with my clients for about nine years.
Not only is it a feel good tool, when I access my affiliative and cooperative heart intelligence, it is easy to offer choices, and codependents often deliver ultimatums.
Believe it or not, brain fitness will be an important part of your codependence work.
You can increase your IQ, improve your attention, your short term memory, and much more, and all of that leads to increased confidence. Try them out. More information for three that I have used in the right sidebar.
Would You Share Something That You Are Grateful For?
When I was beginning my personal growth journey, a wise person told me that when I was feeling resentful or afraid or sad, that I should remember the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was ready to feel better. That phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.
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