Beginning Relationship

Beginning a relationship and want to rely on something more scientific than the Fairy Godmother?

It is only in the west that we send our folks out to begin relationships with a model in mind based on Disney movies and Prince Charming and Cinderella.

Most of the marriages in the world are set up by marriage brokers or parents, with an eye towards compatibility, and the lucky couple may meet once before their marriage ceremony, which sounds like anathema to us in the U.S., but the the cold hard truth is that 95% of arranged marriages in India last, (where divorce is an option) compared to 50% of ours, so maybe we should look at what those couple do to grow intimacy, and copy it.

Or maybe we should really study what Helen Fisher,Ph.D. has discovered about the psychology and physiology of romantic love.

Romantic love is that experience that we usually call infatuation, and it is brain based, and can carry us through the first two or three years of beginning relationship.

Beginning Relationship in Three Minutes?

According to Helen Fisher,Ph.D., women run through a checklist of beginning relationship eligibility requirements, the first of which takes all of one second.

"Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).

But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts."

The Point Is...

that relationships for the both the male and female brains begin at the moment of perception.

While the process may not end there, we begin relationships qualifying at first sight.

So does Professor Fisher have a formula for growing a relationship beyond those first moments? She does.

She says that her study of genetics and neuroscience indicate that we humans have the best chance of solid beginning relationship if we begin relationship with compatible personality type and there are four personality types, each governed by a different brain chemical.

She calls them the Explorer, the Builder, the Director, and the Negotiator.

And Fisher's model helps you find the best personality type with which to have chemistry.

Remember those personality types are associated with a brain chemical, serotonin, androgens, ect., so there is a biological basis.

There's no other online dating test that takes biological composition into consideration.

If you want to find out your personality type and discover which of the four basic personality types you connect well with, you will need to click the link below to explore Helen Fisher's model.

Or you can do what we all do otherwise, which is trust to the Fairy Godmother or a marriage broker to begin your relationship.

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Very early in my personal growth experience, a wise person taught me to use the phrase "gratitude is the attitude" when I was resentful or afraid and that phrase has helped me feel better tens of thousands of times.

Would you share your favorite gratitude story by clicking here? Your story may be just what another person needs to renew themselves.

Your story becomes part of this website (which shows the site's most recent pages) and a permanent part of Ask Mike the Counselor2 for others to read!

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